"Useless"I've finally dug myself out of the ditch I've been in the last 3 months. I probably should've just stayed there though. It was a busy 3 months. I managed to start and finish an entire professional poker career in that time. I started with a $6,000 bankroll and ended up broke. Strange part is I only lost $1,000 playing poker, don't ask me to explain it. Oh yeah, I got married too. That happened somewhere along the way in that time. I could spend the rest of this article explaining my useless life but that's not what this is about. It's supposed to be about Trek strategy, but since I don't have anything usefull in my mind these days let's do something fun. I've compiled a list of the 13 most useless cards in 2E. This is what I came up with:
13- Enabran Tain, Head of the Obsidian Order
Let's see a 4 cost Cardassian that has 3 strength, that's pretty useless. Granted he's got a hundred skills but he has that most useless abilities. When an engagement begins....blah, blah, blah. He's just a fat piece of shit.
12-Jean-Luc Picard, Explorer
4 cost, useless. His order, useless. Know what's even a bigger piece of shit than this card, that oversized copy of it.
11-Cargo Haul
They must be hauling bullshit on those ships. Cunning>44 and only 35 points? Oh, but if I move there I get to draw a card, whippity-freaking-doo.
10-Scimitar, Preadator
High cost, 3 Command Icons, butt ability. Ok, it looks cool
but so does banging a Russian. It's all fun at first but then you've lost it all.
9-Console Overload
Just read the card and you'll see. If anyone played this on me in a tournament I would just laugh then punch them in the face.
8-Athos IV, Maquis Base
I could fill this whole list with just Maquis cards so instead I'll just put the headquarters. I remember when some Minnesota clown played Maquis Day 3 in 2003. It's was a funniest 8 minutes of my life.
7-Kurn, Bajoran Security Officer
Some things just don't go together. Me and a winning hand, Kellerman and t-shirts, Fitchett and blow jobs. Neither do Klingons dressed as Bajorans.
6-Battle Drills
Let's see, Cardassians don't battle. So let me waste a whole turn just to randomly kill someone? Nah, I'm good. Jesus, It's worse than Cry Havoc.
5-Engage Cloak
The only thing worse than this card are the others that try to make this one usefull. All those garbage Romulan ships.
4-Render Assistance
Ok, it's a starter card so I'll cut it some slack, but really why?
3-Sensor Sweep
You know I often find myself in games saying, "Damn, if I only had a pursuit card right now." Oh, that's the Russian Poon Chasing Game. Nevermind.
2-Shadow Operartion
Just reading the damn card makes me want to kill myself. By the time your reaping the benefits from the card your opponent has already won and is starting the next round.
1-Sermon
The grand daddy of them all. Everything about this card licks balls. This picture, the text, even the stupid quote on the bottom. If you have this card in your deck ask yourself a tough question, "Am I Gay?"
Because the only way I see playing this card is if the Doctor gives you a hard on.
So there it is, I would be interested to hear other people list of useless cards. Let me know what you think. Untill next year, I see you clowns around.
John Corbett- The Golden Fucking Rule, "Always leave yourself outs."
Any questions, stories, fan or hate mail please feel free to send to johncorbettjr2 at comcast dot net
